The process of becoming an adult

How your capability to earn a living parallels the process of becoming an adult.

What is a career more simply put than the process of becoming an adult. Think about it… A career is the act of figuring out how to earn a living, put food on the table, pay the bills and hopefully be able to do it well. To dependably fulfill your basic needs.

When we us the word “career” though, it’s a cleaned and sanitized term. It’s a word that we’ve metaphorically put in a box in our minds that’s been categorized with a label.

When we use the term “career,” even my eyes glaze over. It feels like a concept for keeners and do-gooders. For those who’ve compromised and conformed to a system in society. It’s a term that’s an extension of the education system. For those who studied hard, fit into the program and got a degree or something like that.

“But I’m a rebel and more interesting than that. I’m unique.”

I certainly had thoughts like that when I was younger.

But when you get rid of the label and just see a career as feeding your family, paying the bills and succeeding in your life, it’s an easy grasp. And figuring out how to do it well is just the landscape that we become an adult. What is there to rebel against in that idea that wouldn’t be in your own disinterest.

To resist job success is childish really. It would be like a predator in the wild rebelling against hunting their meal. It’s like, “okay buddy.. you’re just going to starve. Good luck with that.”

Yet some of us do rebel against it.

I’ve seen people sabotage their own job success in a twisted way thinking that it somehow confirms the raw deal they thought they’ve been handed. It confirms for them how they think life is unfair. Many kids avoid growing up because they don’t want to accept the responsibility for their own state of life or their ability to earn a living.

I don’t mean those dealing with famine and poverty in war-stricken territories. I’m talking about grown ups coming from loving families with plenty to eat, government safety nets and free education. Those who’ve never experienced true lack.

You can avoid career success if you want to, but you can’t avoid the consequences of not becoming an adult. And admit it… Nobody likes a grown baby.

A career isn’t just a source of income. It’s the venue in which we actualize and express ourselves. It’s where we create and form the best parts of us. It’s where we craft our reputation, establish trust in our social circles and build self-esteem.

It might seem trivial, but these things are food for the soul. Stretching far beyond what we usually think of in terms of a “career.”

It’s in this adulthood/career landscape that we become the person who attracts our future spouse or partner and can become a good parent.

The career journey mirrors the process of becoming an adult. We all have the choice to take that journey with intention or to avoid it. To deny taking the journey is to deny yourself the freedoms of a good life.

The process of becoming an adult isn’t just in our livelihood but extends itself way beyond that. It’s what allows us to positively connect with others and to build bridges rather than to burn them. To heal instead of isolate.

The process of becoming an adult can be understood as acquiring the wisdom of emotional intelligence.

The Stifled Adult

The stifled adult child is someone who’s technically a grown up but who hasn’t yet grasped accountability and independence in life. Someone usually full of resentment, blame, negativity and cynicism. It’s a person surrounded by soured relationships, including the one with him/herself.

There’s something beautifully simple about the process of becoming an adult. We all have an inner child still within us.

We all technically enter adulthood simply through aging. Yet some people never achieve the escape velocity into grown up-hood that is true freedom and independence. Some are never able to enter that next phase of life and forever remain trapped by their own childishness.

I sometimes wonder if there was an alternate timeline in my own story that fizzled out into disappointment. A fork in the road that was never taken.

But young adults usually start out ambitious. Most of us enter our 20’s with lofty goals and a vision for the future. Many times, just tied up into half-baked aspirations for greatness. Not necessarily in line with a traditional career path but perhaps a creative ambition, a hobby, an obsession or an idea for a business venture.

But usually, these ambitions remain just that. Unrealized success defined by a lack of income and an inability to pay bills or be independent.

I’ve been there. Having a vision for life on my own terms that remained out of reach. It was frustrating not having the means to make my vision a reality.

Unrealized success is painful. I’ve seen too many people enter their late 20’s and beyond, still living as grown adolescents. Still living under their parent’s or government’s thumb and payroll. Sadly, unable to make a move and figure their life out for their own.

Some never rise again after their first fall. Some never learn from their first failure. Forever carrying that failure with them for decades. Others never take a chance in the first place.

Luckily there are valuable lessons in early failures. They are setbacks not because of personal flaw or lack of character. They’re just the price of entry for future achievements. They’re hard truth’s that can be accepted and faced rather than complained about.

Career stagnation can feel unfair when you believe you’re entitled to more. But nobody is owed anything until they lay a track record and reputation that will eventually proceed them.

Your Powerful Redemption Story

So, you’ve currently lost hope for career success?

Fear not!

The process of becoming an adult is a journey of redemption. It’s your own hero’s journey. And your career is exactly how that journey will unfold.

The future You is looking back with pride on what you’re about to do!

But, where do you start when you think all is lost?

Understand what's at stake

Bear with me as I go full on motivational coach…

Your self esteem, happiness and fulfillment are dependent on your career success. If you’ve given up merely to escape and to seek comfort, you’re losing your own respect. Get back up. Get moving. And when you stumble, get back up again. It’s your only option.

You can do it!

A matter of perspective

Be nicer to yourself. Time and persistence can offer more gifts for your future professional success than you might ever realize. A career is the lifelong pursuit of your highest and best self.

There were many moments where a younger version of me thought he must do something heroic simply because I was being impatient. If you get caught up in the idea of being special now, you can get blinded by the ordinary but important steps you can take.

Be consistent rather than trying to be heroic.

It’s amazing to look back on where you’ve come when at one point that seemed like only a pipe dream.

Accept what you can't and won't change

We all must accept the circumstances and people in our life as they are. You can’t change what’s outside of you. Regardless of whose to blame or how you’ve been done wrong.

If you want to be independent and live life on your terms, you can’t blame your parents, your spouse, the government, the economy or anything else.

Be the bigger person in your life. When everything else is stubborn, you’re the only object that can move.

The arguments you keep having are a distraction.

You don’t need to convince anyone else that you’re right.

Be adaptable when a roadblock enters your path. The obstacle is the way.

Do you keep getting stuck

Do you keep getting stuck making the same mistakes and errors on repeat? Is your life stuck in a loop?

It’s worth taking a few minutes to ponder, reflect or journal.

Do you keep building momentum only to repeatedly sabotage it in the same way?

Change the narrative that currently defines your career if it keeps you stuck.

The step at your feet

You’re an ambitious person. You have lofty aspirations. But be humble enough to take the first step at your feet. Be humble enough to accept the options currently available.

It can seem like those current options are a life sentence. Use them as stepping stones.

Use that to build momentum. Use it to build a track record and a positive reputation.

We all must pay our dues.

You can never ride the train unless you get on when it’s moving your speed.

Discipline required

It’s imperative to be financially disciplined. You can never gain freedom with your career if you don’t leverage your efforts.

You can’t craft the life you want if you spend all or more than you earn.

Downsize your lifestyle.

Pay off your debts.

Manage your money.

Some more perspective

The path can feel hopeless at times. It can feel like the sky is falling. But I assure you that it’s not. It’s daunting to put yourself out there in your professional journey.

The uncomfortable parts aren’t forever.

If you feel stuck and vulnerable, it’ll look like a monumental climb towards where you want to be. Even applying for a job, enrolling in classes or showing up for the first day at work can feel like an impossible step if you’ve lost your way.

Remember. It’s the simple first steps you’ll look back on so proudly when you make it!